Our Family Motto: What's That Smell?

The most frequently asked question in our home is, "What's that smell?"

The other day, there was such a smell coming from the laundry room that I actually closed the door between the laundry room and the kitchen, and opened the other side of the laundry room to the garage to air it out a bit. You know it's bad when the garage smells better than the laundry room!

Having avoided doing laundry for a few days, I decided to brave the stink, for the sake of clean underwear. I started to run a load of clothes, and as the water filled the basin, the smell was putrid. Worse than dirty diapers. More like rotting roadkill.

Not wanting to make a grisly discovery myself, I asked my husband to take a look inside the machine. I was sure there would be something dead at the bottom of the barrel. Dutifully, he removed the wet stuff from the full washer one article at a time. When he got down to the bottom, he found the offending article. "Honey, what's this?" I peeked around the corner and saw him holding up dripping wet a Blue's Clues beach towel with big, brown splotches.

My mind was jogged back to a major chocolate milk spill earlier in the week. "I think it's chocolate milk," I said. (See, it's not as bad as you thought it would be.) But it sure did stink! I had grabbed the big towel to help mop things up. When I finished, I tossed the towel into the washer and forgot about it. Oooh-whee!

In case you're wondering how to remove the smell of spoiled chocolate milk from a towel, I used Tide and chlorine bleach. That almost worked. A subsequent wash with Tide and Borax did the trick.

What? PPV Cartoons for Little Shoppers?

I think we watch too much television. That goes for my whole family. Kids, grown-ups, everybody. And I know we should cut back. I admire the families that have the gumption and commitment to turn it off for a week, or even get rid of it altogether, but I am not that tough. At least not today.

So imagine my reaction when I went grocery shopping and discovered a fantastic and devious new take on the old metal buggy. Now, I have three kids, so the plastic race car shaped carts are already a big hit with our crew. However, this was something entirely amazing -- the TV Cart.

Oh, yes. The first time I encountered the TV Cart, I heard it before I saw it. A familiar tune wafting down the aisle in front of me. I found myself singing along to The Wiggles, and wondered where that music was coming from. And then I saw it. The TV Cart. A mother was pushing her blissfully entranced toddler in this big plastic pod. The cockpit of the cart is mostly enclosed, except for the front window. I guess that's so the kid can breathe.

My initial reaction was one of surprise, mingled with disgust. What will they think of next? As if we need another thing to spend money on, and give our kids more TV at the same time? What kind of mother would do that?

On the way out of the store, I saw the station where the TV Carts wait to be rented. It's a dollar per use. Now, I think of myself as a practical, frugal person. A whole dollar, just for TV during a shopping trip? Ridiculous. hmmmm.

A week later, I was at the store again. This time, I had two of my three children with me. Knowing I was in for a sweaty wrestle of an outing, I looked at the TV Carts. Could I be so frivolous? I started to rationalize, "With two kids, it's only 50 cents each. That's not so bad."

My son was checking out the Cart as if it were a Mustang at the dealership. He peeked inside the cockpit. "Mom, there's a TV in there!" Even his baby sister wanted to get into the Cart. I caved. I got change from the nearest check-out lady and fed it into the rental station. The kids jumped in, The Wiggles started to wiggle, and we were off.

With mixed feelings of guilt and euphoria, I completed the shopping without a peep, bicker, or cry from the kids. They didn't even try to get out and run around. This mom's verdict: TV Cart is a good way to get the shopping done when you're having one of those days with the kids. It's a treat for kids and parents alike, but I'll be using it sparingly.

More fun than ecards: custom Snowball Fight!

This speaks for itself. Another fun web application that lets you upload your own photos and put your face into a silly video. This one's from JibJab, and I think it's even better than ElfYourself. There are a couple of free "Sendables" you can customize (like the snowball fight here), as well as some you have to pay for. I love these things! Enjoy!

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Here's my elf dance. Let's see yours!

You've probably seen the OfficeMax commercials for Elf Yourself. It's a web application that lets you upload your own photo, crop it to fit an elf hat, and then watch yourself do an elf dance with up to three of your friends. Silly, but so fun! I did one with my own face first, and then I made one with my kids (above). Aren't they cute?!

I've heard that people without high speed connections aren't able to enjoy the show, so keep that in mind. You can see my elf dance here, or make your own. If you make one that you'd like to share, please post it in the comments so we can all laugh together!

Fudgey Carrie and Matthew "Hannah Montana" - meeting Hubby's coworkers

We went to my husband's annual company Christmas party on Friday. This was the second one I've been to, having attend last year's party for the first time. And since I have a hard time even remembering the names of my own children at times, I am pretty hopeless when it comes to putting names to the faces of people I only see once a year.

One thing I do to make it easier to remember names is to make them into funny nicknames or phrases. For example, here are some of the lovely people I met this year (real names have been changed):

"Fudgey" Carrie: The lady whose husband offered to marry me after sampling the fudge I sent into the office with Hubby

Matthew "Hannah Montana": The SuperDad who took his daughter to the Hannah Montana concert, and is apparently scarred for life

Lizzie "Spanx": The coworker who decided she loved the homemade treats I sent in so much, that she bought Spanx for the party so she could continue to indulge during the week

Don "The Arguer": The one who drives his secretary crazy by trying to reinvent the wheel, even though she's been doing this for 30 years already

The party was a blast, by the way, and the people were just as fun as their names imply. Happy Holidays to all!

Briefly: Life is all about poop (if you're a mom)

It may come as a shock for new mothers, the way life starts to revolve around poop. From Day One, a baby's health is measured in part by the poops he produces. And it doesn't stop when you bring the baby home...

No, that's just the beginning. Some hospitals send mothers home with log sheets, to make it easier for parents to keep track of all the diaper action. Not only do the diapers have to be changed and bottoms wiped, but the frequency and consistency of the poop needs to be observed and acknowledged.

Of course, this is a good thing to do. Baby bottoms need to be kept clean. Parents need to bond with their babies and build relationships of trust. Babies depend on their parents to tend them with love and concern. Poop needs to be monitored, because certain characteristics can indicate illness or other trouble.

So if you're about to become a mom, don't worry. After the baby comes, you'll probably think and talk about diapers more than current events, movies, or anything else. Just remember that this is normal. Motherhood is not for wimps. And it's totally worth it!

Geek Gift Idea: Lorem Ipsum...

This is my latest geek design: "Lorem ipsum..." Lots of people won't understand the humor of this one, but if you are someone who routinely builds or uses web site templates and such, you'll recognize the familiar dummy text. I thought it would be funny to put it on shirts and stuff, so here it is. Maybe this would look great on your office wall. Or maybe it would make the perfect gift for a certain someone. Enjoy!

My kids say the funniest stuff: flytraps

A few days ago, I was driving The Mother Ship (minivan) with the kids in the back. The boys, ages 6 and 8, were reaching across the seat between them, going "chomp! chomp!" toward one another. Hoping to avert a brawl, I was about to tell them to keep their hands to themselves, when I heard the younger one say, "Chomp! I'm a Venus flytrap!" I thought that was cute. Then, the older one responded, "Well, I'm a Jupiter flytrap. I'm bigger!" :-)

My own turkey tale: misadventures in roasting

I know it's not even Halloween yet, but with the kids' school "fall" parties (they don't call it "Halloween" anymore, apparently) finished up and Christmas merchandise already showing up at Target, I can't help but think ahead a bit.

I've been putting together a page on Thanksgiving recipes over at Squidoo. It's been a lot of fun researching the various ways of preparing turkey, carving turkey, mashing potatoes, etc. It has me reminiscing about my first Thanksgiving with my husband, and that always makes me laugh. So in the interest of sharing a smile today, here is my personal, embarrassing turkey misadventure story. Enjoy!

We'd been married about six months by our first Thanksgiving together as a married couple. We lived in an apartment with a small electric oven. I was so excited! You know... "Look at me! I'm such the little wife cooking for my new hubby..."

I roasted a turkey, fixed up the trimmings, complete with cranberries from a can and Stove Top stuffing. When it was finished, he carved up the bird, my manly husband, and discovered something strange inside the breast. What the heck?! Did we get a defective turkey?!

We examined the pale, wrinkled, alien membrane, and figured out that I had forgotten to remove the bag of neck and giblets before I cooked the turkey. Yes, the bag of turkey guts was still inside, like an unexpected prize inside a cereal box. But instead of a super secret spy decoder ring, it was a baked bag of neck, gizzard, liver, and heart. Now, I'm sure that lots of people love to eat those parts, but we are not those people. I was quite embarrassed, especially when he told his mother about it. Fortunately, I have an excellent sense of humor. ;-) We still laugh about it!

And in case you're wondering, the rest of the turkey was fine. We still ate it, we're still married, and we're still laughing about it, twelve years later!

Ways to maintain a healthy level of INSANITY

I got this in an e-mail from my mom, who got it from her sister... Isn't that how it always goes with these lists? Anyway, I thought this was funny, so I'm putting it here, so you can laugh too. Heaven knows we need more chances to laugh!

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4.. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

I like Japanese game shows

I came across this clip from a "Human Tetris" Japanese game show. It is silly and fun, and I think it's hilarious. What does that say about me?

Stephen Colbert on Letterman

I loved this interview with Stephen Colbert on David Letterman. It was interesting to hear Stephen speak in his more "real" voice, as opposed to the ultra-conservative pundit he portrays on The Colbert Report. He talked about trying to earn a living building futon frames, being a dad to three kids, and a bit about his new book, I Am America (And So Can You!). The book even comes with a sheet of stickers!

Yes, I am proud to be a geek

One of my hobbies is putting silly slogans on shirts and stuff. Before I had kids and replaced my hard-earned college knowledge with the lyrics for all the Wiggles songs, I was a scientist. And even if I can't remember Avogadro's number anymore (it has nothing to do with guacamole - I remember that much), I still get a giggle out of math and science related jokes. Here is one especially for fall - it is "pi" season, after all! And I love pie!

That's so true!

I love this "Life Lesson" figurine from TLC/Discovery Channel because it's so true! I never get to go to the bathroom by myself. Even if I close and lock the door, I have little people standing outside, talking to me through the door and poking things underneath it for me to see.

I know I'll miss it all someday, though, and when they're grown and gone, I'll wish for their little fingers sticking through the space under the door, just to get my attention.

Gratitude journal: My kids love me so much that want to be near me, even when I'm on the toilet.

Gratitude

I read in the Reader's Digest that gratitude can help you be more healthy, less stressed, and more optimistic. People have been studying how gratitude affects a person's well-being, both physically and mentally, and it seems to be quite a powerful force for good. Not only does it help a person feel better personally, but people who live gratefully are more likely to help others, which makes other people feel better, too.  So it becomes a big, beautiful circle of gratitude. I like to think of myself as a grateful kind of person, but the scientists that did the study suggest keeping a gratitude journal.  Apparently, taking time each day to remember and write down things for which you are grateful, helps you become a happier and healthier person. I will give this a try. And I will incorporate my gratitude journal into my blog. Feel free to comment and add your own "grateful moments" as well.  Let's all get happier together!